I is for the big 'I'

Each of us is a vast universe, with many facets, parts, impulses. So what do we mean when we say 'I'? As in:

• I'm exhausted.
  
• I'm really upset with you right now. I'm furious!
  
• I don't know what to do, and I'm starting to panic.

Here we are talking about the small 'I,' a voice within us that is not the whole story. It's helpful to ask ourselves in those moments, "Is all of me exhausted, or is this just one part of me speaking at the moment?" Checking inward, notice where you feel the exhausted part hanging out. It helps to contain it and make it tangible. What's the physical sensation, emotion, image, sound, memory, or movement? What's it here to let you know?

Wait a minute, just who is this part going to feel safe to share with? Enter the big 'I', the most wise and compassionate self who can accept everything because it is everything. Imagine your best, most trusted person who listens so attentively and multiply by a thousand. Total acceptance, compassion, openness, curiosity, interest, engagement, spaciousness, patience, empathy. No judgment. In fact if there's judgment or impatience or snarky remarks, that's another part horning in on the action.

So often with one part arises its counterpart.  So in the case of "I'm furious!" there's the part that feels furious and perhaps another part that makes it not ok to express fury. "That's not ladylike." Or "Getting angry doesn't help." Or "What are you complaining about now?" Anything but the big 'I' conveying to this part, "So, I hear you saying that you're furious."  And waiting for more it wants to say about all that, which it will probably do because - big sigh of relief - the big 'I' is actually listening. We become totally trustworthy when we step into being the big 'I'.

The big 'I' is big enough to contain within it any internal conflicts. Our inherent wholeness, who we really are, has no reason to judge the judging parts, pick favorites, or pit one against another. If you find yourself siding with one or another, it's time to step back further, recognize yet another part that is something other than total acceptance. 

So next time the small you is suffering, see if you can step back into the big 'I' and be there with the part that is suffering. Witnessing, listening, empathizing, reflecting back what we're given, is much better than fixing. Practicing being the big 'I' gives us opportunities to experience our wholeness.

B is for Being With What Is

The core of many spiritual practices is learning to BE WITH WHAT IS. Some call it acceptance or surrender or letting go of our attachment to how we want things to be. When life's big challenges loom large, it takes courage to show up and stay present with whatever vexes us.

As a big fan of Focusing, I am learning to sit with It. Stepping into Presence allows me to be with anything that comes up and wants my attention. By maintaining the compassionate, open, and curious stance of my most loving and wise Self, I can really hear Its concerns and extend empathy. Often just being heard allows this something to relax or shift.


The story goes that Tibetan saint Milarepa invited the demons of anger, greed, fear to come into his meditation cave and have tea. The point is to make space for what's here anyway, to invite it to be here in a more compassionate space. By being with what is, we get to stop fighting ourselves. And that is one way to see and bring beauty into the world.


For more info, see www.FocusingResources.com