I is for the big 'I'

Each of us is a vast universe, with many facets, parts, impulses. So what do we mean when we say 'I'? As in:

• I'm exhausted.
  
• I'm really upset with you right now. I'm furious!
  
• I don't know what to do, and I'm starting to panic.

Here we are talking about the small 'I,' a voice within us that is not the whole story. It's helpful to ask ourselves in those moments, "Is all of me exhausted, or is this just one part of me speaking at the moment?" Checking inward, notice where you feel the exhausted part hanging out. It helps to contain it and make it tangible. What's the physical sensation, emotion, image, sound, memory, or movement? What's it here to let you know?

Wait a minute, just who is this part going to feel safe to share with? Enter the big 'I', the most wise and compassionate self who can accept everything because it is everything. Imagine your best, most trusted person who listens so attentively and multiply by a thousand. Total acceptance, compassion, openness, curiosity, interest, engagement, spaciousness, patience, empathy. No judgment. In fact if there's judgment or impatience or snarky remarks, that's another part horning in on the action.

So often with one part arises its counterpart.  So in the case of "I'm furious!" there's the part that feels furious and perhaps another part that makes it not ok to express fury. "That's not ladylike." Or "Getting angry doesn't help." Or "What are you complaining about now?" Anything but the big 'I' conveying to this part, "So, I hear you saying that you're furious."  And waiting for more it wants to say about all that, which it will probably do because - big sigh of relief - the big 'I' is actually listening. We become totally trustworthy when we step into being the big 'I'.

The big 'I' is big enough to contain within it any internal conflicts. Our inherent wholeness, who we really are, has no reason to judge the judging parts, pick favorites, or pit one against another. If you find yourself siding with one or another, it's time to step back further, recognize yet another part that is something other than total acceptance. 

So next time the small you is suffering, see if you can step back into the big 'I' and be there with the part that is suffering. Witnessing, listening, empathizing, reflecting back what we're given, is much better than fixing. Practicing being the big 'I' gives us opportunities to experience our wholeness.